Bethany
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Bethany Erin Holt |
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Dorley girl |
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| Gender | Female |
| Year of intake | 2019 |
| Sponsor | Maria |
| Gender at intake | Cis male |
| Date of birth | 1998-07-03 |
| Name at intake | [show]Aaron Holt |
| First appearance | Chapter 5 |
| Chapters with POV scenes | |
| edit this box | |
Bethany is a girl [SD 32] in the 2019 intake. She is sponsored by Maria [SD 5] and is in a relationship with Stephanie. [SD 26]
At 168cm [LL] (5'6"), [SD 22] Bethany is short for a Dorley girl. She has brown hair and a slight build. She tends to ramble with very little filter, and, especially during her first few months in the basement, often deflects using jokes, sarcasm, and inappropriate sexual comments. Maria remarks that she experiences conversations with Beth "the same way someone standing in a river experiences water". [SD 16]
Beth has an old shoulder injury that limits mobility in her left arm, preventing her from holding her hand above her head for more than a few seconds; she cannot apply pressure or lift things with it. [SD 16]
Despite her quick wit and generally perceptive nature, Bethany seems to have some glaring holes in her general knowledge; at various points she reveals that she believes Weetabix to be made from oats [SD 8] and that she mistook the term "puppy mill" literally.
Following Indira's stint as her sponsor, she remains intimidated by her. [SD 23]
Beth is a fan of the show Even Quarterbacks Get The Blues, at first only watching for the cheerleader locker room scenes, but gradually getting more engrossed in the plot; eventually she gets Steph hooked on the show, as well. [SD 28]
Pre-transition
Boarding school
Bethany was born into a middle-class family; [SD 8] her childhood home was near a pub and she has memories of catching mice in the house and releasing them at a farm down the road. [SD 21] Dorley Hall's research indicates incidents with Beth switching back and forth between aggressor and victim as far back as primary school. [SD 19] Beth recalls her first time harassing a girl was in primary school [SD 25] and her first reprimand for bad behavior was "early in junior school". [SD 33]
Her path took a drastic turn for the worse when her father sold his business, making the family wealthy but lacking influence. Bethany was sent to a boarding school for "posh boys" for four years, [SD 8] but her modest background and small physique made her a target for bullies, and the school administration did nothing to stop them; [SD 19] Bethany looks back on her time at boarding school as "hell". [SD 16]
Beth suffered a broken arm while at school; [SD 22] Stephanie surmises that Bethany's shoulder injury originated during this time. [SD 16] In their research, Dorley Hall found evidence of seven assaults during her time at the boarding school -- Bethany tells Steph that those were simply the ones she reported before she no longer saw the point in it. She experienced a "constant and consistent" [SD 16] stream of casual violence resulting in bruises and bleeding. It is strongly implied that she was also sexually abused by her tormentors at school. [SD 19] Bethany states that despite the bullying, she was already a "bastard" [SD 21] and that she "wasn't a good guy even before" her experiences at boarding school, admitting that she regarded her victimization as "karma" [SD 19] as a means of avoiding facing the people she hurt. [SD 21]
Elizabeth
During her time at boarding school, Bethany sometimes slipped away to a small town about a mile down the road. There she was befriended by Elizabeth, a young woman in her twenties whose family owned a corner shop. Elizabeth took a liking to Bethany, offering her food, advice, and a sense of normalcy before eventually moving away. Beth remembers her as "Maybe the first and last person to be kind to me". [SD 16]
After a time, Elizabeth's family lost the shop and had to move away, leaving Beth with nowhere else to escape to. Around six weeks before leaving, Elizabeth lost her patience with Bethany, shouting at her to "do the hard thing" -- to tell her parents she didn't want to go to school any more and make them listen somehow. [SD 26] Though the two meant to stay in touch, Bethany lost contact with her after bullies smashed her phone. Beth never learned her last name. [SD 16]
In the basement, Beth worries that Elizabeth might have looked for her, found out about her behavior at Saint Almsworth, and decided that she wanted nothing to do with her. [SD 19]
Serial harasser
Bethany went on to attend Saint Almsworth to study geology, and there she became a "prolific harasser of women" — sending misogynistic messages, frequenting incel websites, [SD 19] and ultimately bombarding at least one woman with a "barrage" of dick pics which accidentally included evidence of her identity. [SD 8] She was nearly expelled from Saints, but her parents intervened by making a large donation to the school, preventing Bethany from facing "any hint" of disciplinary action; Monica states that this donation completed funding for what will probably be named the Aaron Holt Memorial Tennis Court following her disappearance. [SD 19] She was selected for the 2019 intake due to concerns that her unpunished harassment would continue to escalate. Later, in a moment of clarity, Beth admits that she is a "slimy little fuck who takes no responsibility for his own shit". [SD 21]
Steph surmises that shame is a powerful lever in Beth's reformation. [SD 22] A recurring hurdle in Beth's transition at Dorley is her fear that she has no personality beyond her defensive shell of reflexive negative traits built up over the years; she confesses to Steph that she has thought for a long time that "I don’t actually have a personality, that I’m nothing more than my shitty habits and my bullshit stress responses and my unstoppable and irresponsible libido." [SD 31]
First year
At intake
Bethany was 21 years old when she was abducted by Dorley Hall; she was the first member of the 2019 intake to arrive in the basement, early enough that she had not yet started the new semester at Saints. At some point before Steph arrived, Beth earned a strike for flashing her penis at someone (presumably Maria). [SD 11]
When Steph arrives in the basement (still presenting as Stefan) around two weeks later, Beth introduces her to the rest of the intake and explains their various offenses and histories, while withholding details of her own misdeeds. [SD 5] Though initially put off by her crass, verbose demeanor, Steph begins making an effort to befriend her at Abby's suggestion, given that she is the only one of the basementees to not have a history of physical violence. [SD 7] After Christine reveals Beth's history of harassment [SD 8] and Pippa tells Steph that Beth has been caught flashing her on the security cameras at least half a dozen times, [SD 9] Steph takes it upon herself to confront her with her past actions, largely for the sake of their friendship, but also because she decides it will be satisfying to reform Beth before the programme can. [SD 11] Pippa states that Steph "likes him. And she can’t stand having a friend with such a glaring moral blind spot." [SD 14] Despite the friction between them, the two gradually begin to grow on each other.
Sometime between the 14th and the 25th of October, Ollie (once again) tries to steal a taser and is thrown in the cells for a time. Around the same time, Raph threatens Beth in the bathroom, accusing her of looking at his genitals; soon after, Declan throws a plate at Adam's head, bruising him "quite badly". Following these escalations, Adam, Will, Steph, and Beth strike a defensive alliance to protect themselves against Declan, Ollie, and Raph -- Beth refers to the trio as the "mean girls"; privately, Maria remarks on the irony to Beatrice. [SD 15]
When Declan makes an attempted attack on Steph and Beth in the shower annexe, Beth tackles him, sparing Steph serious injury. Following the attack, Declan is sent to the cells on the 25th of October. [SD 9]
Beth is sexually assaulted by Karen on the 26th October, along with the rest of the intake. Afterward, she is more talkative than usual, nervously babbling and sharing a theory that it was a planned "display of power to teach them to submit to female authority". [SD 12]
November
On the 9th of November, Beth seeks out Steph in her room after her confrontation with Declan. After voicing her fear that everyone in the intake will be killed, Steph assuages her fear with a partial truth: that Abby has revealed to her that she was once part of the programme and lived to tell about it. The two talk for a bit and watch a movie together; Beth confides in Steph about her shoulder injury. Afterward, the two shower together; Steph helps rub conditioner into her hair. The two return to Steph's room to watch another movie; Beth eventually falls asleep in a pile of hoodies on the floor. [SD 16]
On the 14th, Beth confides to Steph that she is experiencing erectile dysfunction. On the 22nd, a panicking, babbling Beth knocks on Steph's door to tell her that she has orgasmed from nipple stimulation. Steph calms her by suggesting that the sensitivity is simply due to gynecomastia and her chest will return to normal when they leave the basement and are no longer being administered Goserelin. [SD 17]
After Declan washes out, Will begins conspiring with Raph and Ollie; on November 27th, the three make an escape attempt that leaves Maria gravely injured. The three are immediately placed in the cells. Beth calls out to the responding Peckinville soldiers for help but is rebuffed. In the aftermath, Beth joins Steph in consoling Adam. [SD 17]
While Maria recovers, Indira is put in charge of Bethany, [SD 18] who immediately finds herself disarmed and frustrated by her technique of "weaponising niceness". [SD 19] Bethany writes Maria a "surprisingly polite" get-well-soon card while she is in the hospital. [SD 18]
On November 29th, Beth joins Stephanie in the showers again. Beth inquires about the nickname "Stef" and Stephanie tells her about Melissa; In turn, Bethany tells her more about Elizabeth and her fears that she may never see her again. Steph comforts her with a hug. [SD 19]
During disclosure, Monica singles out Beth as an example, detailing both her history as a bullying victim at boarding school and her extensive campaign of serial harassment at Saint Almsworth; confronted with her own behavior, the Hall's dim view of her future as a free man, and her impending feminization, Beth becomes distressed. At the end of the presentation, she requests to return to her room alone, where she sits, staring at the wall, for the next several hours. When Indira is unable to elicit any response from her or get her to eat, she asks Steph to intervene, hoping to avoid having to resort to force-feeding; when Steph finally gets her to talk, she presses Steph on her seeming indifference to the programme. Realizing she must play her role as the Judas goat or risk Beth washing out, Steph tells Beth that she is her reason to keep going. Beth reacts poorly, pushing her off the bed, throwing things at her, and screaming obscenities at her as she retreats to the common area; Steph, realizing she actually does have feelings for Beth, is heartbroken by the rejection, but Beth has bought the lie; her resolve broken, she is seen eating on the security cameras. [SD 19] Beth spends the next couple days with the lights off, listlessly eating, sleeping, and crying; she accepts the estradiol shot from Indira "without fuss". [SD 20]
December
By December 5th, Beth is finally tired of stewing in her room and makes herself get up and take a shower; on the way out the door, she runs into Steph in the corridor and is stunned at how feminine she looks (and at her own attraction to her) after less than a week away (unbeknownst to her, Steph has been upstairs being treated to makeovers and taking voice training lessons, resulting in a newfound confidence). The two begin to reconcile; later that day, Beth apologizes for her reaction to Steph's confession. She confides to Steph that she misses Maria, and admits that she belongs in the basement and is afraid that nothing will remain when her "shell of shit" is removed by programme. Steph reassures her that she sees the good person underneath the shell, and that she believes that Maria does, too. The two share an awkward hug. Later that night, the two hang out in Beth's room; Steph tells Beth about her visit with Will in his room. Later, while watching TV, Steph falls asleep leaning against Beth's leg and Beth is careful not to wake her. [SD 21]
The morning of December 11th, Beth realizes she has gotten slightly shorter on HRT and notes that her chest is beginning to develop. Unwilling to ask for a bra, she has been wrapping her chest with a spare long-sleeve shirt. At breakfast, she is greeted by Maria, who has returned from convalescing; to her dismay, Beth realizes she is glad to see she is okay. When Maria asks if she is ready to cooperate with the programme, Beth prickles; Maria reveals that some of the other sponsors are now rooting for her to become a better person. Maria explains that Beth is not capable of breaking the cycle and returning to her old life as man because she does not yet know how to be anyone else. Maria spells out Beth's likely fate as a free man: she will inevitably give in to temptation and, now burdened with self-loathing for not being able to stop herself, will either kill herself or wish she was dead. Beth, searching herself, is unable to deny the accusation. Before Maria leaves for the common room, Beth makes an anxious plea that the sponsors no longer send Steph into potentially dangerous situations like her visit with Will; Maria assures her they will be careful. As she leaves, Maria offers Beth a sports bra; she declines. [SD 22]
Later, during a break during one of Monica's lectures on feminism, Beth catches Maria in an unguarded mood. Maria tells Beth that she is proud of her progress towards becoming a better person and promises her to one day tell her about her past and that there will come a time when she will understand why Maria believes in the programme. Maria makes a show of momentarily disabling the security cameras to make herself vulnerable and allow Beth some privacy, then embraces Beth in a hug; overcome, Beth cries into her shoulder. Afterward, Maria asks Steph to check in on Beth, informing her that she has reached a delicate inflection point. When Steph visits her in her room, Beth exposes her makeshift bra and reveals that she is aware Steph is wearing a sports bra. Beth vents her anxieties about Maria's health and her guilt over her reaction during Maria's attack, and confesses that she is scared of the changes to her body, mind, and how she interacts with other people. Steph consoles her, reassuring her that she is safe and it is okay to let herself be "weak" and vulnerable; Beth cries again, this time into Steph's arms. [SD 22]
The two have a long, intimate conversation and eventually fall asleep together in Beth's bed; upon waking later that afternoon, Beth is unbothered to find Steph in her arms. The two go to the showers together and Beth's mood has noticeably improved; she confides to Steph that she has realized she no longer has the heart to harm Maria and she is done fighting the programme. While showering, Beth, having noticed Steph's increasing femininity, asks Steph what name she would prefer; when informed that she is trying out "Stephanie", she replies that it suits her. The two share a nude hug in the showers. At lunch afterward, Beth becomes introspective and returns to her room; before leaving she kisses Steph on the forehead. Back in her darkened room, Beth looks in the mirror and experiences a moment of ego death; unable and unwilling to hide from herself or make excuses for her behavior any longer, she resolves that she wants to live in the real world. [SD 23] When Nell spots her staring at her reflection on the security feed, word gets to Maria, who goes to check on her. In her room, Beth confesses that she considers herself to be an empty shell, incapable of change. Comparing herself to how Steph has taken to femininity, she is convinced that she cannot adapt and will not survive the programme; not wanting to risk hurting Steph by dragging things out further, she asks Maria to help her kill herself. Maria refuses, telling Beth that she cannot because she believes she will one day love her like a sister. [SD 23] Maria tells Beth the story of her own kidnapping and her time at Grandmother's Dorley and reveals the truth of Dorley Hall. Steph enters the room crying and embraces Beth. [SD 24] Consoling her, Beth reassures her that she knows she is trans and does not care; wracked with guilt as Beth closes in on the truth, Steph confesses that she has been in on the secret of the Hall all along and dashes out of the room. [SD 25]
When Beth goes to look for Steph late the next day, Pippa has taken her upstairs. Maria meets Beth in her room and gives her Steph's full story. When Steph returns to her room, Beth goes to see her; she admits that she understands why Steph had to deceive her. Newly resolved to survive, if only out of spite for her old self, Beth tells her a remorseful accounting of every woman and girl she ever wronged, in hopes that Steph will know her fully. [SD 25] Early the next morning after Steph falls asleep, Beth realizes that in choosing to "go forward" and reject her old self, she has made the decision to become a girl. Later that morning, Beth confesses to Steph that she is glad the programme made her face herself and while she still doesn't want to be a girl, she doesn't have a route to becoming a better person as Aaron. Steph tries to object but Beth interrupts her with a kiss. [SD 26]
By December 16, Beth has acquiesced to wearing bras. [SD 27] Later that day, Beth and Steph have a sexual encounter in Beth's room; in the heat of the moment she tells Steph that she loves her. [SD 28] In the early morning of the 18th, Beth has a breakdown and tells Steph not to call her Aaron. Later that day she tells Pippa she still feels "lost"; Pippa reassures her that is normal and that she is making good progress. Pippa and Steph get Yasmin to come visit Beth in the basement so she can talk to another participant in the programme he can relate to. Yasmin advises her to take her time and not compare herself to Steph's progress and to focus on learning how "do the hard things" instead of always taking the easy way out. After their chat, Beth goes to see Steph, who tells her about her invitation to the Christmas Eve party to be held upstairs; Beth asks if she can attend as Steph's date. [SD 29]
Christmas Eve
By Christmas Eve, Beth and Steph are no longer concealing their relationship from the rest of the intake; Will, recently reintroduced to the basement, begrudingly takes it in stride. When Ollie and Raph are reintroduced to the group that morning, they immediately notice the new pairing and Steph's choice of clothes; Raph is indifferent but Ollie becomes irate, breaking the calm in the room. As tensions escalate, Beth, unable to bear the disruption, angrily taunts and berates them for squabbling. Steph attempts to intervene to no avail; when Aunt Bea interrupts on the intercom to have Ollie sent back to his room, Ollie goes for Jane's weapon and is tased. Aunt Bea has him returned to the cells. Having done "some thinking" while in his cell, Raph has adopted a "realist" attitude regarding his situation and begins to accept his fate; that afternoon, he starts attempting to join Steph, Bethany, and Martin for company. Martin discusses his alcoholism with the group, which prompts a small epiphany in Bethany, who recognizes that all the boys in the intake are addicts, in a way, and are incapable of being responsible men in the same way that Martin is incapable of drinking in moderation. [SD 30]
With Maria's permission, Bethany attends the 2019 Christmas Eve party in a tuxedo, [SD 30] silk shirt, and tie; she wears a name tag with no pronouns. (To Beth's chagrin, she is not perceived as male by most of the assembled guests; Jenna and Daisy remark to each other that Beth looks like "a hot butch chick" in her tuxedo.) At the party, she is introduced to Shahida, Melissa, Aunt Bea, Vicky, and Lorna and observes a number of other Dorley girls and associates. When confronted by Aunt Bea, Beth gives her verbal consent to be feminized. In the bathroom, she meets Farah and Amethyst, as well as Teri, who offers to help her escape; she declines. Maria, noting she is sleep deprived, suggests that she start progesterone soon. [SD 31]
Beth is subdued throughout the party and eventually absconds to the back rooms of the Hall; while loitering in the conservatory, she encounters a recently-actualized Faye, who offers her advice on embracing womanhood. Stephanie finds her shortly after and offers to help her escape; Beth declines for the second time that evening. Beth asks again to not be called "Aaron"; When she confesses that she is worried that she doesn't have a personality beyond her old negative habits, Steph reassures her, comparing her experience to her own transition and the persona, Stefan, that she built to face the world -- a shell that concealed her real self deep within. When Beth cryptically states that she wants all the things she's been denying herself, Steph asks Beth if she wants to be a girl; Beth responds that she wants to want to be a girl and asks Steph to touch her chest. [SD 31]
Beth gets redressed, sans cummerbund, and the two return to the party, which has shifted to the couches by the fireplace. Before returning to the basement, Beth gets the attention of the room and makes an announcement: "For the last time ever, I’ve been Aaron." [SD 31]
On the way back downstairs Beth and Steph are sidetracked by Jane, who is getting drunk while monitoring the cameras in the security room. Jane gives Beth some insights on the strength in choosing womanhood after being a "bad man" and confides that she is planning on retiring from sponsoring after Raph graduates. When Edy comes to check in on Jane, Beth remarks that she has some ideas for a new name. As the two return to Steph's room in the basement around one o'clock in the morning, Adam goes to the bathroom and encounters a set of locked double doors through which he sees Steph and Beth returning from the party in their formalwear. Edy concocts a cover story for the two later that morning. However, Adam wakes Steph and Beth soon after, and in the common room, confides to them that he knows they were upstairs at the party the night before and that he understands that Edy is withholding facts from him to help him get through the programme. He states that Edy has promised to protect him and help him become a better person and reveals that he knows about "the girls upstairs". When Steph and Beth confess, Adam only seems interested in whether or not Edy enjoyed the party. [SD 32]
Bethany
On Christmas morning, Will has an outburst which leaves Beth shaken; Christine escorts Beth and Steph to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. There, Christine recounts the story of her own actualization and Beth meets Mia, joined by Aisha and the rest of the second-years, who counsels Beth with her "fake it till you make it" approach to transition. Maria takes Beth aside and Beth whispers her new name in Maria's ear. When Maria steps out for a bit, Steph approaches Beth, who reveals her new name: Bethany Erin Holt. [SD 32] Bethany begins using she / her pronouns immediately after. [SD 33]
Later that night, Beth is hanging out in the kitchen while Monica and Tabitha make cocktails for a group of sponsors and Sisters and begins feeling overwhelmed. Christine takes her outside to sit on a bench by the front doors of the Hall and shares her backstory of harassing women and that Aunt Bea had informed her that her victims were aware that her old self had died and the catharsis she felt when Bea confided in her that her victims likely would have forgiven her in light of her reformation. Looking out towards the university, Beth realizes that the world will move on without Aaron; she is glad to be locked up where she can't hurt anyone. Returning indoors, Beth realizes that the idea of running away had not even crossed her mind. [SD 33]
On the 26th, Will is incredulous when Bethany reveals she has picked a new name, repeatedly deadnaming and misgendering her until Maria intervenes, threatening to wash him out. Beth gets up and leaves the common area with Maria, returning shortly wearing a "slutty" catholic schoolgirl uniform and wig. She parades around the common room and makes out with Steph in order to make Leigh uncomfortable. Provoked, WIll removes himself to his room, and Tabitha finally recognizes her distress as envy. When pressed, Will confesses that he has wanted to be a girl "forever". Two days later, at Maria's insistence, Bethany confronts Will in his room, who pushes him to face himself by again dressing in an overtly feminine style and repeatedly emphasizing use of his name. Will reveals that his earliest memory may be asking his mother what girl's name she would have named him and being told that his parents never even considered it. He also confesses his time spent wearing his mother's clothes in secret. [SD 33]
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Photos
Bethany at intake. (Official artwork by Emory Ahlberg.)
Bethany in transition. (Official artwork by Emory Ahlberg.)
Bethany at graduation (projected). (Official artwork by Emory Ahlberg.)
Pre-transition associates
- Elizabeth - The eldest daughter of the family who owned the corner shop in the small town near Beth's private school. Elizabeth took a liking to Bethany, offering her food, advice, and a sense of normalcy before eventually moving away. Beth remembers her as "Maybe the first and last person to be kind to me". Beth never learned her last name. [SD 16]
- Parents
Notes on biographical details
- Gender at intake: There has been no speculation about Bethany's gender at intake within the story, so we list it here as "cis male". However, some readers have speculated that she accepted the program quickly because she is a congenital trans woman.
| Dorley girls (and a few non-girls) | |
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| 2019 intake | Adam (Edy), Bethany (Maria), Diana (Monica), Leigh (Tabitha), Martin (Pamela), Ollie (Harmony), Raph (Jane), Stephanie (Pippa) |