Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Queen of Hearts
Paid publication
Book #1	Welcome to Dorley Hall
Chapter	12
Free publication
Date posted	Feb 18, 2022
Word count	16,712
Points of view	Christine, Stefan
AO3 Scribble Hub
Content warnings
Dysphoria, references to assault, anxiety about passing
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Chapter 12: Queen of Hearts is the twelfth chapter of the first book of the series. Stefan talks with Aunt Bea about Karen. Christine has a girl's day out, including a shopping trip in town and followed by a visit to a night club. She continues her struggles with gender. She also restarts her relationship with Paige, and it's nothing like the first time. Karen is removed from her position; Pippa decides to start over with Stefan and give up on being a "proper" sponsor.

The title may be a reference to Christine, who seems to be the center of her social group and is simultaneously loving but insecure, both meanings associated with the playing card. Alternatively it may be a reference to the Queen of Hearts from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland as Aunt Bea. The Queen of Hearts was one of the obstacles faced by Alice during her adventures and would seemingly execute people on a whim; Stefan may have had an impression of Aunt Bea as being someone equally unpredictable and dangerous.

Plot

2019, Stefan

Aaron tries to strike up conversation about the morning's events with Will and is harshly rejected. They're all eating lunch in the usual places, with Stefan and Aaron watching the door to the corridor and Will and Adam watching the common room. Their group of 4 seems to have been successfully discouraging any further attempts by the Declan, Raph and Ollie faction.

Martin arrives, and Aaron jabs at Stefan about not returning his hello. In turn, he needles Aaron about his dick pics again. Martin asks how many times Stefan's been tased, and he replies that he hasn't. Will is angry and disbelieving that Stefan didn't put up any resistance at all, but quickly calms himself down when he notices Adam is shaking.

Stefan asserts that they just all got assaulted. He admits that he was incredibly shaken by it, and by seeing Declan beaten and bruised. He lies that he put up with the nurse because he didn't want to be beaten like he was.

Aaron backs Stefan up with his pet theories. Will shares the story of his first strike, when he pushed Tabby. Martin tried to escape and got tased.

Adam relives the experience and Stefan pulls him aside and lets Adam talk at him. Adam doesn't have any coping mechanisms so the morning hit him hard.

Stefan asks the sponsors to talk to the person in charge.

He's put in the cells to provide some privacy, but the doors aren't locked. He thinks about the encounter with the nurse and how it makes no sense, either logically or based off of Pippa's reaction.

Aunt Bea arrives. She's friendly and professes her hatred of the cells and invites him upstairs for a chat instead. As they head upstairs, Stefan wonders how Aunt Bea is able to look someone she's forcibly turning into a woman in the eye with no weight on her conscience. As Abby leaves the room to give them privacy, he has to admit that those who go through the process come out gorgeous, and Abby always seemed happy.

Aunt Bea welcomes him to Dorley Hall. Stefan pretends not to notice all the innuendo she's dropping. She admits her interest in Stefan, that unlike what his records suggest he seems to be affable and downright cooperative. He avoids answering her inquiries as to why he's acting the way he does and turns the subject to the nurse.

Stefan lays out his case against Karen. He says the nurse betrayed the professional ethics, and his sponsor, who he claims to have trusted, betrayed him. He wonders if the programme is meant to produce subjects who don't complain when sexually assaulted, which Aunt Bea firmly denies. Then he provides an alternative, that the problem isn't the programme but Karen herself. He says she is a vindictive old pervert who likes to traumatise her. Abby chimes in and says Aunt Bea never did anything like that to her, then leaves.

Stefan innocently pries into that statement, saying he can't ever imagine Abby being anything but kind, and Aunt Bea exasperatedly says that is the point. She tells Stefan that he is right that the programme doesn't have much choice of medical staff, and assures him that Karen will be disciplined.

Finally, Beatrice tells Stefan that their meeting is strictly to be held in confidence and that he is not to disclose that some of Dorley Hall's residents are graduates of the program. The cover story is that he had a conversation with Abby, who is the one who promised the nurse will be disciplined and that the next vitamin jab will be administered by someone else.

Once Stef is out of Bea's sight, he sags from relief. He feels extremely seen through by her, who has probably seen dozens of other boys who ultimately become women. Abby comforts him.

2019, Christine

Their girl's hangout starts with a trip to the café. Christine feels self-conscious and tries not to think she's about to get clocked at any moment. She thinks about how past her might've behaved, casually walking around the food court with an exploit running.

Paige comforts her. She's picked up on Christine's discomfort. She has to pick her words carefully, though, and Christine wonders if that's why some of the graduates return to Dorley Hall, so they can be unguarded. They talk about Vicky and Lorna. Paige believes that Christine is just as trans as Lorna is, regardless of what path they took to get here. Pippa shares that she also had to exposure therapy her way into feeling comfortable outside the Hall.

Christine really wants to flee to safety, but Paige bolsters her. She tells Pippa that while Christine is confident and sweet at home, Indira hasn't pushed her out of her comfort zone enough. She understands, though, because she says everyone loves Christine. Paige shares her own strategy. She sorts people into two bins, those whose opinions matter and those whose don't. Christine says Pippa's way might be better to try first.

Pippa and Paige chat about university while Christine unwinds. Then they go shop.

Christine thinks about how context is important. She's comfortable being a woman in Dorley Hall and on campus, but the fitting room of a department store is decidedly out of her context. So far she's purchased sensible and ordinary attire, but Paige eventually snapped, pinned her against a wall and threatened to burn all her clothing unless she gets something sexy to go clubbing in.

Paige and Christine talk about a very revealing dress, then Christine admits that the root of the problem is that she feels stupid in more bold clothing. Paige tells her that she and Pippa are wearing highly immodest things, too, and also tells her that she's sexy. Christine tries to accept what she's saying, to stop panicking about being clocked, and to be kind to herself while also not being a wimp. She decides to buy the dress.

Christine's phone blows up with messages from Abby and she hurriedly checks it with Pippa. They learn that Stefan went upstairs and had a chat with Aunt Bea. Pippa panics that she's a terrible sponsor, while Christine is significantly more sanguine about it. She and Paige remind Pippa that she isn't in it for the long haul and that she intended for it to be a one-and-done thing. Paige also thinks that this is actually a sign of Stefan being better and advocating for himself.

Back at Dorley Hall, Paige does Christine's makeup--bolder, to stand out in club lightning and go with her sexy dress. Christine is anxious about how bold it is and deflects her anxiety to her feeling that her features are artificial. Paige dismisses these anxieties, too, saying that she was there when it happened and all the surgery did was refining what was already there. Except for the Adam's apple she had, Christine says.

Paige starts taking about the work that she had done, saying she's more artificial than Christine. She goes on a long spiel with Christine desperately trying to interrupt and comfort her. Then she realises that Paige was just making fun of her; she is reminded by Paige that she shouldn't complain about being artificial in front of others who might have had more work done. She mentions that Pippa has a cousin she wants to see again, and that she's afraid she won't be recognizable.

Pippa and Abby arrive while Christine is busy being fascinated by Paige. She tells them that Maria will be up with news. When the girls had returned to Dorley, five sponsors had leapt on them asking about Stefan seeing Aunt Bea after only two weeks, and they'd escaped to put on their faces for going out. Pippa says she checked on Stefan and he seemed to be fine.

Maria arrives. She tells them that while Barbara was one of the Dorley girls, Karen was not. In fact, Karen was the nurse who saw her when Grandmother was still running the place. Although information is limited, Christine has put together that Old Dorley was much, much worse than the current programme. It seemed that cruelty was the point, and Christine thinks that Grandmother viewed womanhood as inherently degrading and got her kicks from running a charnel house. Then Aunt Bea returned with contacts and a new identity and reformed the programme, making it more humane, and eventually kicked Grandmother out entirely.

Pippa asks why they even took Karen back in the first place. Maria admits that they didn't have many options, and that Karen pinky-promised to behave. It seems Karen knew that they wouldn't be able to stop her once they were down there without breaking the programme's illusion of competence. Unfortunately, Barbara isn't coming back. She's worked for Dorley for fifteen years, and her husband's moving to Canada. Either way, though, Karen is never coming back, and the sponsors will have to take over nursing duties for now.

Christine talked with Abby before heading to town. Abby asked her not to be angry with Maria, because what Maria experienced was very different to what Christine did. For example, she's the only Dorley girl to have spent time in the cells after graduation. She and some other women stole a sign and was put in the cells for two weeks by Grandmother.

Once in town, Christine, Paige and Pippa talk about Karen. She thinks that it was a power play. Karen is part of the old guard and was clearly sadistic. Pippa agrees, saying Karen was incredibly smug. They realise that the comments were aimed to get under Maria's skin, and agree that the entire performance was an attempt to flex some power over everyone in Dorley Hall.

Pippa feels like despite being locked up and forcibly feminised in Dorley Hall, she only really realised that it was a snake pit after graduating. She insists that it still is a snake pit as long as people like Karen can come back. Christine tells them that Abby is going to talk to Aunt Bea about Karen. Paige says she's probably going to convince her to kill Karen. Christine agrees: Karen knows too much and doesn't have a good reason to keep quiet, unlike everyone else.

Pippa asks what she means, and Paige lays out the logic of Dorley. They make friends in the Hall between each other or with their sponsors, so they wouldn't blow the whistle on Dorley and endanger the people they love. Pippa thinks it's cynical, and Christine says she isn't sure if it's intentional or a happy accident, but its power is undeniable.

Paige continues to muse about Dorley being self-sufficient, as aside from the money all of the people it needs are sourced from Dorley graduates. Then Lorna and Vicky arrive and it's time to go have fun.

Legend, a popular and terrible nightclub in Almsworth, is full of people. The bathroom causes a minor anxiety attack for Christine, as she hides in a stall while many other cis women crowd in front of the mirror while Lorna handles their attentions better. Lorna asks about the trans support group she introduced Christine to, and she says that they were helpful. Lorna thanks Christine for caring about trans people.

Lorna is looking forward to her facial feminisation surgery, and Christine says she's going to get even more gorgeous. Lorna asks if Christine is gay, and Christine, tipsy from two drinks, tells her that her last relationship was with a girl but that she doesn't know for sure if she's lesbian. She wants to figure herself out more before dating again. She mentions that the relationship was with Paige and talks about how it ended, messy and bitterly. She says Paige can do better than her. Lorna is incredulous and says she thinks Paige likes her quite a lot. Before they can say much more, Vicky swoops in and kidnaps her for a go on the dance floor.

Christine asks what Pippa is thinking, and she says she's thinking about Stefan, and having regrets about not helping him with the nurse. She was too busy being what her idea of a sponsor was. Christine reinforces the idea that Pippa can just stop being a sponsor and hang out with Stefan. Paige appears with a besotted guy, Nadeem in tow and invites the other two over to a couch.

It's mostly men and all Saints students at the table. A girl named Rani strikes up a conversation with Christine, and she guesses that Paige and Christine used to be a thing. The conversation goes towards what Rani does (electrical engineering), and Christine tries not to succumb to her anxiety about being clocked.

Nadeem and Paige go to dance, and Christine is envious about how confident and sexy Paige is.

Pippa mentions that Legend is where Melissa was taken, and Christine irritably asks her not to talk shop. They are awkward for a moment, then both decide to dance instead of talking.

Three trips later, Christine flops back onto the couch. Pippa and Rani seem to be hitting it off. Christine and Paige chat about things. Nadeem, but also how Christine's gender anxieties. Paige not only tells her she's beautiful, she pulls Christine back onto the dance floor. They have an intimate moment as Paige pulls Christine in closer. She says that the two of them aren't the way they were, that they're not confused, not finding themselves, no longer scared. Know who they are. Paige says she misses Christine, and that she wants Christine to miss her too. After the admission, Paige starts to pull away, but Christine pulls her right back in. They kiss lots.

2019, Stefan

Stefan is deposited back in the basement. The news that Karen won't be doing medical anymore relieves everyone. The afternoon passed with nothing important in particular, television shows and idle conversation. Back in his room, though, he lets himself cry about everything. Mark, Christine, the events of the basement, the nurse.

Pippa knocks on his door. She's dressed up. She asks after his burns and administers his first dose of estradiol, and it's as if the liquid is healing him. Pippa borrows some of Stefan's clothing, for comfort. After changing and some silence, she apologizes about earlier. She says that what people in the basement need is consistency, and unlike Maria, Pippa is not good at it. She hates being strict but if she's ticked off she'll be awful. She also says it was brave of Stefan to talk to Aunt Bea. Stefan says he felt like Aunt Bea was a bit of a softie, and Pippa is amused but agrees.

Pippa asks if they can start over with their relationship. She gets some hot chocolate for them, then reintroduces herself. Stefan isn't sure what to think of this and wonders if it's another example of Pippa being inconsistent, then decides to give her a chance. She offers to start a movie, and Stefan realises she's being sincere. Pippa admits that Christine and Paige convinced her to change her approach. They have a nice time.