Novelty mug

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A large collection of novelty mugs is kept in the ground-floor kitchen of Dorley Hall and are widely used by residents. Most are custom-made with jokes about femininity, forced feminization, or kidnapping.

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List of novelty mugs mentioned in canon

At Dorley Hall

  • You don’t have to be a girl to work here, but it helps! [ch. 6]
  • Shoe therapy is better than regular therapy [ch. 6]
  • Once a Princess, Always a Princess [ch. 12]
  • It’s all fun and games until someone loses their— (couldn't read the last word) [ch. 13]
  • Never ask a man his salary, a woman her age, or an aunt what’s in her basement. (thanks Olivia) [ch. 15]
  • You Have a Special Way of Making People Smile Girls [ch. 16]
  • Super Femmy, Fabby Lipstick, Castrate the Atrocious! [ch. 17]
  • The family that spays together, stays together! [ch. 19]
  • If you lived here you’d be a girl by now. [ch. 19]
  • Gone Feminisin’ [ch. 19]
  • KEEP CALM AND CAPTURE MEN [ch. 21]
  • WORLD’S BEST KIDNAPPER [ch. 22]
  • An Apple a Day Keeps the Missing Persons Unit Away [ch. 22]
  • Boys: Just Raw Material for Girls [ch. 23]
  • Come to the Royal College of Saint Almsworth and find yourself! The girl added, in blood-red text, IF WE DON’T FIND YOU FIRST [ch. 23]
  • To Reinvent Yourself Takes Balls! [ch. 23]
  • Let It Go [decorated with cherry emojis] [ch. 25]
  • Be the Girl You Want To See In The World (Or Else!) [ch. 25]
  • Feminising Torture Basement (TMNT Logo) [ch. 25]
    A parody of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles logo reading "Feminising Torture Basement."
  • ROGB: Rapid Onset Girl Basement [ch. 26]
  • Boys Will Be Boys (Without Prompt Intervention), superimposed over a silhouette of a man, circled and crossed out in red. [ch. 26]
  • SOME PEOPLE ARE KIDNAPPERS. GET OVER IT! [ch. 26]
  • Do everything a man can do, but ball-less and in high heels! (pink mug, writing is cursive) [ch. 26]
  • Great hair ✓
    A winning smile ✓
    Balls ✕
    …Two out of three ain’t bad! [ch. 27]
  • Pain is just testicles leaving the body [ch. 29]
  • For the love of God, Montresor! Those were my balls! [ch. 29]
  • The most revolutionary things a girl can do are find herself, love herself, be herself… and turn boys into girls in her basement. (over a silhouette of a 1950s-looking woman applying lipstick) [ch. 30]
  • My other mug is an admission of guilt [ch. 30]
  • The mug is printed, in elaborate handwriting-style text, with, You’re practically perfect in (almost) every way! (The ‘almost’ has been added after the fact, and the silhouette of Mary Poppins has had her traditional umbrella altered to look like a pair of garden shears.) [ch. 31]
  • You can’t spell ’emasculate’ without C U T E. [ch. 31]
  • Don’t get complacent, lock your man in the basement! (next to a 1950s-style illustration of a housewife) [ch. 32]
  • Eight out of ten doctors recommend FEMINISATION! and adds, in smaller text underneath, The other two are currently unavailable for comment. [ch. 32]
  • written in cursive: Dorley Hall Spa and Wellness Centre: Feel your troubles float away! (“Except,” Jane says, pointing to a faded revision to the text, “instead of ‘troubles’, it says—”) [ch. 32]
  • Eat, Sleep, Feminise, Repeat [ch. 32]
  • Abandon hope all ye who enter here. ‘Hope’ is crossed out, but whatever replaced it seems to have faded to illegibility. [ch. 33]
  • I might look like I’m working, but in my head I’m dancing wondering what you would look like as a girl. [ch. 33]
  • DANCE like nobody’s watching / LOVE like you’ve never been hurt / KIDNAP like nobody’s listening / and force him into a SKIRT [ch. 34]
  • Behind every great man is a woman. Underneath those words, in a bolder, red script, is the addition, With tranquilisers [ch. 34]
  • Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
    That saved a wretch like me
    I once was lost but now am found
    I just wish she’d set me free [ch. 35]
  • FEE FI FO FEM (I’ll replace your blood with est-ro-gen) [ch. 35]
  • anime girl and the caption Lo-T Beats to Feminise To [ch. 35]
  • the lovely watercolour-effect artwork and the handwritten script which reads:
    Michael has broken, calls herself Morgan
    Bradley has spoken, a lovely new sound
    Praise for the new girls, minus some organs
    Praise for them springing out from underground [ch. 35]
  • Nothing is impossible with the right attitude and a scalpel [ch. 36]
  • I never question my sister’s choices (she already kidnapped me once) [ch. 36]
  • I swear, officer, she was like that when I found him! (with a cartoon of a girl talking to a police officer) [ch. 36]
  • To quote Henry V, Act I, Scene 2, Line 408: "Balls, my liege." in faux-vintage text, with a cartoon image of William Shakespeare on the side [ch. 36]
  • Home is where THE HEART IS. The medical waste bin is where THE TESTICLES ARE. [ch. 37]
  • A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step., with an illustration of a woman standing in the foreground, looking into the distance at a pair of snowy and slightly rounded mountains. Predictably, the word step has been crossed out and replaced by snip [ch. 37]
  • Get ready to be fit! Get ready to be strong! Get ready to be amazing! (Get ready to be slightly more aerodynamic!) [ch. 37]
  • When the going gets tough, the tough get gothic. [ch. 37]
  • FIERCE and notation alleging that it stands for Feminine! Independent! Elegant! Radiant! Castrated! Empowered![ch. 37]
  • My other sister is also a kidnapper [ch. 37]
  • I got the surgery that makes you worse [ch. 38]
  • An Englishman’s word is his bond; the rest is surplus to requirements [ch. 38]
  • There once was a young man from Saints / Whose behaviour was quite the disgrace / So we faked that he drowned / And kept him below ground / In the end we gave her a new face [ch. 38]
  • If at first you don’t succeed, castrate him and try again [ch. 38]
  • Transvestigate This! (with an illustration of a red-nailed hand giving the finger to the reader) [ch. 39]
  • You can’t have HOT GIRL SUMMER without UNSUSPECTING BOY WINTER [ch. 39]
  • When Aunt Bea saw the breadth of her domain, she wept, for there were no more boys to kidnap [ch. 39]
  • a mug with a cartoon image of Freddie Mercury on it, alongside the slogan, WE WILL FROCK YOU [ch. 39]
  • white and gold mug with halo motifs and the filigreed text, The Divine (Forced) Feminine [ch. 39]
  • a mug on the draining rack with a tacky picture of a woman printed on the side, along with the text, She was a dancing queen, young and sweet and an abductee [ch. 40]
  • Disqualified from the battle of the sexes for doping [ch. 40]
  • The wages of sin is Beth (planned as a present for Maria's upcoming birthday) [ch. 40]
  • Your rights end where my syringe of ketamine begins [ch. 40]
  • NO GODS, NO MISTERS (written under a head of a penis, crudely drawn and with a line slashed through it) [ch. 41]
  • in bold, sans-serif text, ASMR You Are The Kidnap Victim [12:36], with an appropriate illustration [ch. 41]
  • decorated with a silhouette of a woman, posing mid-song and holding a small device where she might otherwise be holding a microphone, and captioned, TASER SWIFT [ch. 41]
  • Don’t ask to see my privates, they’re small and disappointing [ch. 41]

Mentioned but possibly jokes

  • I was force feminised in a secret basement and all I got was this lousy novelty mug. (Christine jokes about it) [ch. 7]
  • The first rule of forced-fem club is you do not talk about forced-fem club (not on a mug but Bea said she would) [ch. 8]
  • Don’t feminise me until I’ve had my coffee (possibly real, possibly Christine joking) [ch. 11]
  • You don’t need nuts to have a nice life (Paige jokes about it) [ch. 16]
  • Jill of all trades and a mistress of none (Melissa jokes about it) [ch. 26]
  • Pay it forward — with castration! (not a mug but Pippa said she would) [ch. 36]
  • The bush is fluffier on the other side of the fence (Jodie jokes about adding it to a mug) [ch. 37]
  • Hurt People Hurt People, and, see, I added a bit by hand that says, Intentionally (Amy jokes about it) [ch. 37]

Hypothetical mugs in Lorna's kitchen

  • Me, Myself, the Bedbugs and I [ch. 21]
  • I Joined the Waiting List at the Gender Clinic So I Could Bequeath My Place in Line to My Future Daughter [ch. 21]
  • Bad Bitches Live Here!! (and so do we) [ch. 21]

Linda and Teri's mugs

  • A Round Tuit [ch. 6] [ch. 27] (destroyed but repaired with superglue[ch. 37])
  • I put the tea in transsexual! [ch. 28]
  • Yeah I’m XY: S E X Y [ch. 28]
  • ‘I cheated on my Real-Life Test and the examiner gave me a double D!’ [ch. 28]
  • Tranny Granny [ch. 31]

Honorable mentions

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